The Upside-Down Man

There once was a man
who lived upside-down.
And people in his town
called him a silly clown.

He walked on his hands
with his hat on his feet.
It was a funny sight as
he “strolled” in the streets.

He’d sit down to eat in a
manner that was peculiar
with his head on the chair
and both his legs in the air.

As if this was not enough,
he spoke in a weird tongue
in which all of his words
were backwards strung.

So in the market, as he said,
“Lard of pound a need I!”,
he ended up getting punched
and a pair of black eyes.

And there was that day too
when he asked a pretty lass,
“Please me with dance you would?”
What do you think she did next?

The girl frowned, and well,
she whacked him on his head,
and then off she quickly fled
after calling him ill-bred!!!

Then, one wet, rainy evening
while “walking” up the hill,
he slipped and came rolling
down like the ball in skittles.

His head hit a hard rock,
and in a hospital he woke,
but in a miracle of sorts,
he had been fully cured.

So this is the end of the story
of the strangest man in town.
He now makes people happy,
in the circus, as a clown.

Comma Rules!!!

Because it would not serve any cause
for words to be read without a pause,
here comes a mark with a superpower,
and you can call that hero – A Comma!

It is always up and ready to assist
while separating the items in a series
like the list you’d use when you visit
a shop to get bread, milk and cheese.

Sometimes, it makes an appearance
in such a series before the conjunction.
Here, it’s known as the Oxford comma
as in alpha, beta, gamma, and delta.

It springs into action in a sentence
between clauses that are independent.
So it would then be correct to write –
the night is dark, but the moon is bright.

It separates the main part of a sentence
from an introductory clause or phrase.
As in – when I stepped out of the door,
I tripped on my cat and fell on the floor.

If there is a phrase or clause that isn’t
important to the meaning of a sentence,
then the helpful Comma encloses it all.
As in – Ben, the first one, had a great fall.

It jumps in to set off direct quotations
said by the speaker in conversations.
As in – Chloe said, “I wish I could fly
just like the birds in the blue sky.”

When writing a date, it’s used in a pair
to separate the year from the sentence.
As in – Years ago, on August 8, 1928,
June said “I do” to John as they wed.

If a title follows a name in a sentence,
then it is set off by Commas in a pair.
As in – Sandra Smith, MD, will now lead
the team in the department of pathology.

And numbers greater than four digits
are split by Commas into groups of three.
So start from the right, and you’d write –
100,000,000,000 stars in our galaxy!!!

Now you’d think that a pause in speech
is where the Comma is placed correctly,
but it would do you a world of good
if you remember the rules of its use.

The reason for that is simple, you see.
We all pause differently when we speak.
If you place Commas using your breath,
they’d be incorrect and make no sense.

Stomach Ache

O dear stomach! O dear stomach!
How much should I give you? How much?
Doughnuts, cakes and sugar lumps,
bread and butter, sweet round plums,
grapes and mangoes – sweet and sour,
cookies and chocolates from the jar,
jam and cheese and wafers too,
little berries – black and blue.
How is it that I eat so much,
yet can never fill you up?
You rumble and rumble and ask for more.
Candies and toffees then I eat by the score,
walnuts, dates and cashewnuts,
oranges, almonds and coconuts,
ice cream, juice and sweet buns,
and above all, huge pie chunks.
And now tell me why do you ache
after from me so much you take?
You make me groan, moan and sigh
and then I feel I’m going to die.
I have to eat food that is boiled;
It’s your fault I’m given castor oil.
O dear stomach! O dear stomach!
How much should I give you? How much?

The Apostrophe and Me

With the bright sun scorching
the afternoon skies at three,
I turned the page to
The Apostrophe.

Little did I know about
Grammar’s sinister plot
for the apostrophe to
put me in a tight spot.

Apparently, the apostrophe
works just like quick concrete
holding words together when
one or more letters are missing.

It appears in can’t and in don’t,
but not in pant and in font.
Wouldn’t, couldn’t and shouldn’t
would all be incorrect without it.

All’s well so far, but it doesn’t end.
For the apostrophe, with a friend – the s
is also used to show possession –
something belonging to someone else.

Here it gets murkier as the s
follows it if the possesor’s singular,
and if it’s a plural that ends in an s,
the apostrophe alone follows that s.

So if Larry had a cat that had a tail,
it’s correct to write Larry’s cat’s tail.
If he had cats, there’d be many tails,
and it’s written as Larry’s cats’ tails.

Give up already? No? there’s more.
What about children, men, women,
mice and geese – no s ends these.
Here both the apostrophe and s come in.

So it’s children’s toys, men’s shoes,
And women’s department all true.
Adding to all that confusion
is that most confounding rule.

Now it’s should be used as “it is”.
And here’s where the catch is –
It’s also used with no apostrophe
As the bird’s in its nest on the tree.

To apostrophe or not to apostrophe
that was the question you see.
Was it Karen’s and Jane’s bikes?
Or Peter and Ron’s fight?

I closed the book with bleary eyes
Not certain if I had got it right
praying to all the powers that be
to help me with the apostrophe…